Fault finding and blame shifting are not alien to the human society. Since Adam and Eve shifted the blame for eating the forbidden fruit, the buck-passing trait run through the cells of the human race. Generally, humans look for scapegoat to avoid the blame or punishment for any unpleasant event. Once a man finds someone or something to hold responsible for a wrong; he walks away from the scene feeling free and safe. In marriage, however, buck-passing is and invitation for continuous conflict, chaos and quarrel - because the buck keeps coming back. Neither the man nor his wife will ever accept to play the scapegoat. A blame, no matter how many times it is passed, will always return. Some examples will prove this claim.
• Child bearing
This is an issue for which some couples would like to pass the buck. A delay in child bearing, commonly called barrenness, might be caused by various factors - personal, medical and spiritual. Surprisingly coupled weighed down by the sorrowful burden of childlessness might blame each other for the problem.
This is an issue for which some couples would like to pass the buck. A delay in child bearing, commonly called barrenness, might be caused by various factors - personal, medical and spiritual. Surprisingly coupled weighed down by the sorrowful burden of childlessness might blame each other for the problem.
• Poor Finances
Another area in which couples seek to pass the buck is poor finances. The nation's economy may dip suddenly sending businesses to sleep (or total collapse) and pushing inflation beyond roof-tops. When this happens, 'home finances' are hit. And the couple's financial plans fail to work. At such a time, some couples trade blames for their failed budgets and projects.
"This time demands tact in money management.... You shouldn't have bought those shares. See how much your hasty decision has cost us?" charges the wife.
"Tact?" the husband counters. "Then why did you quit that plum job to pick this penny-paying one? You wanted dome freedom and got it; but our income is squashed flat by your indiscretion!"
Really, neither the husband nor the wife is to blame, and passing the buck hasn't improved their income!
Another area in which couples seek to pass the buck is poor finances. The nation's economy may dip suddenly sending businesses to sleep (or total collapse) and pushing inflation beyond roof-tops. When this happens, 'home finances' are hit. And the couple's financial plans fail to work. At such a time, some couples trade blames for their failed budgets and projects.
"This time demands tact in money management.... You shouldn't have bought those shares. See how much your hasty decision has cost us?" charges the wife.
"Tact?" the husband counters. "Then why did you quit that plum job to pick this penny-paying one? You wanted dome freedom and got it; but our income is squashed flat by your indiscretion!"
Really, neither the husband nor the wife is to blame, and passing the buck hasn't improved their income!
•Child Training
Couples argue about whose responsibility it is to train tge child. The argument is launched each time the child misbehave; or the parents receive another report of their delinquent child's shameful deed.
"That's it", the man may remarj in a vindictive tone. "You failed to train the child when you should; and now he's become a devil in town."
"You're to blame" the wife ducks. "When you should have instructed him with all firmness, you rocked and pampered his ego and excused his rebellion. Now, it's too late to teach him good behavior."
Couples argue about whose responsibility it is to train tge child. The argument is launched each time the child misbehave; or the parents receive another report of their delinquent child's shameful deed.
"That's it", the man may remarj in a vindictive tone. "You failed to train the child when you should; and now he's become a devil in town."
"You're to blame" the wife ducks. "When you should have instructed him with all firmness, you rocked and pampered his ego and excused his rebellion. Now, it's too late to teach him good behavior."
•Accidents and Mishaps
Accidents do happen in life. In the home, the toddler while crawling around, sees a pair of nail-scissors dropped on the carpet by mummy after a nail-cutting exercise. He grabs and fiddles with it, slashing his palm in the process. He screams with pain; the cut us deep; his Dad will blame Mummy but she too, will offer some defei. But, while the bickering is on, the child is crying for attention!
Nothing is predictable in nature. Out of our "certainties" come unexpected situations, rendering previous plans inapplicable and forcing us to retreat and begin again. Yet, some couples will argue and point to each other as the culprit when the unexpected occurs.
Accidents do happen in life. In the home, the toddler while crawling around, sees a pair of nail-scissors dropped on the carpet by mummy after a nail-cutting exercise. He grabs and fiddles with it, slashing his palm in the process. He screams with pain; the cut us deep; his Dad will blame Mummy but she too, will offer some defei. But, while the bickering is on, the child is crying for attention!
Nothing is predictable in nature. Out of our "certainties" come unexpected situations, rendering previous plans inapplicable and forcing us to retreat and begin again. Yet, some couples will argue and point to each other as the culprit when the unexpected occurs.
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