Teenage Blues: The Story Of Bella

Adolescence, a turbulent voyage! Now, the tutorial for the examinations is out. And who is going to be examined?  Not just the teenagers, but their parents and teachers also. From childhood through to the pre-adolescent years you have been teaching your child the amentals, the doctrines, the fund virtues, the right, the wrongs and so on. Now at adolescence, the stage is set and the time is due for an all-important examination. Your teenager will be tested as well as you. For if you had taught him the virtue of patience, faith, positive confession and all that, you are now to prove how much of these you have in yourself by the reactions you will put up against your teenager's strange and, sometimes, monumental tantrums.

Each stage of life presents many new demands, new fears and new problems. But these challenges are what make life more exciting. However, adolescence demands not just good understanding from parents and youth workers, but puts to test the Christian experience and maturity of all stakeholders. Let us pry into Mrs. Rose's apartment.

"Bella, what are you doing with a mirror this early morning? The house isn't dusted yet. And who are you expecting to set the breakfast? If I meet you and that mirror,  I will shatter it on your head. You prostitute!  I have told you that this is a Christian home and that I'm not going to tolerate that nonsense from any of my children. Ok, am going to sit up for you. Bella, drop that thing and go about cleaning this house. Will you?" That was Mrs. Rose talking to Bella, her teenage daughter, when she met her watching her face in the mirror.

Bella burst out in tears and went into soliloquy: "But life is really cruel, oh hellish house!  Oh hateful woman! What have I done now. Sure am yet to find my biological mother, this woman can't be..." Bella could not see why even her own mother could not understand her predicament, not to talk of helping her out of it. Actually, the previous night had not been that easy for Bella. She has been pondering over a slighting remark made by her to serve their guests and teacher in the schools' forthcoming send-off party. But their form master had an eye for another student whom he had made his choice for the service. So,  when the class prefect named Bella as the class choice, the form master objected, and said: "U-umh, we will use a brighter face. Actually, I'm considering Anna, or what do few say, class? " The class chorused "Yes sir, yes sir," with only few voices who were bod enough to say "No sir, Bella should serve" But that did not deter the teacher. He had made his choice. So, that was how Anna was picked. And Bella's spirit was crushed. But did her form teacher care enough to know this?.

This had gone on to support Bella's latest apprehension: "I think am ugly, " she said to herself of late, when she discovered some pimples on her face. Actually, she started fumbling with the mirror since she came home from school. On her bed at night,  she continued tilting her face and touching the pimples until she slept off and the mirror fell off her hand. She was about making her bed this fateful morning when she saw the hand mirror, picked it up again and was tempted to continue the self-evaluation of her face before her mother suddenly barged into her.

Parents, especially mothers, often misapply their zeal for child training. This happens mostly with the parents if teenagers due to ignorance or misinformation about this developmental stage. "Sit up ma. If you grid not your loins with strength, these teenagers will ride over you," so goes the usual counsel of ill-informed dilettantes. And the mislead parents, therefore, swing into a kind of zeal without the right knowledge, and end up doing more harm than good to both themselves and the teenagers.

Mrs. Rose's over-reaction made matters worse. Bella now believes that  nobody likes her, that she is below the normal, a failure, a loser and, according to a popular family psychologist, "a personal disaster". She exploded with emotion and, throughout the day, neither tasted any food nor talked with anybody.

You see, a feeling of inferiority is the commonest problem of teenagers. Between the ages of thirteen to sixteen years, most adolescents believe they are without much human worth, that they lack the necessary ingredients for human dignity and worth, that they are truly inferior. This feeling can so overpower the teenager that she can decide against life. Some teenagers have committed suicide just for this feeling of worthlessness. However, while some teenagers feel inferior and worthless all the time, others have occasional bouts of this feeling, especially when they fail an examination or a subject; or when someone makes a derogatory statement about them. Teenagers are easily hurt and distressed. Lashing at a teenager when he/she is moody worsen issues.

Next Post: What Causes Teenage Blues?